This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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