I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
