shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
