pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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