may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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