Where is the hickey?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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