You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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