My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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