have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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