***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
