I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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