Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
