that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
