I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
