just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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