I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
