I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
