Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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