So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
