...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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