ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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