was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
