theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
