I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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