I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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