I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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