the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
