also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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