I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
