She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Randomize
