My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
