she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
