This dress was meant to end up on your floor
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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