Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
