SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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