Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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