Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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