She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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