im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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