my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
