Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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