I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
