If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
