I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
