took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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