I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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