She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
