Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
