My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
