Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
