Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Two words: blizzard sex
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
