i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
