were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
