ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
