I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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