Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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